What to look for in a Couples Counsellor

Knowing what to look for in a couples counsellor could mean the difference between staying happily married, and staying together at all…Learn what to look for.

Couples counselling demands a very different set of skills than individual therapy. Individual therapists generally help people identify and process feelings so they can achieve personal goals. Couples therapists, on the other hand need to be skilled at helping people overcome the differences that naturally arise in intimate relationships. They need to know what makes a relationship work and how to get it back on track.

Working with couples also has a different dynamic than individual therapy. With individual therapy, for example, a therapist can often quietly draw out an individual by saying, “Tell me more about that.” In couples therapy, the exchanges can be volatile and emotionally intense and the stakes can be much higher.

The couples therapist needs to be able to see both sides and navigate an angry party of two and establish boundaries and guidelines to make the counselling experience a safe and successful one.

A therapist who is committed to helping you work through the difficulties to come out the other side.

You need a therapist who is committed to your well-being and to your success, even when the way forward isn’t clear to you.

There is an important practical consideration, here, too. For many reasons, not the least of which are the dramatic emotional and financial costs that would be imposed on the couple and on other family members by a divorce, your couples counsellor should be the last one in the room to encourage divorce.

Feel free to ask about the point at which a therapist sees divorce to be a viable alternative. You need a therapist committed to helping you find solutions to your problems rather than helping you leave your relationship when things get rocky.

A counsellor who helps you focus, set goals and make progress.

You need a therapist who will help you to set specific goals, to you a focus over time and to serve as a benchmark for your progress. If you don’t begin to see and feel some progress within four or five sessions, you should address your concerns with your therapist.

At Hartwell Counselling, we puts the power of your relationship back in your own hands.

This happens by learning skills of communication, how to look at problems from both points of view, how to fight constructively and how to negotiate a path that is agreeable to both of you.

With this, couples gain confidence and deepen their ability to experience a more fulfilling ongoing relationship together.